[He wasn't expecting an apology, actually. Not that he's any more relaxed about this topic suddenly coming up. Especially with Malekith.]
I was abandoned as a runt. Odin took me, cast a glamor over me, and called me his son. He left it up to me to discover the truth by accident. Laufey never claimed me. I doubt he knew I survived.
( to find out on his own? what the hell? what parent leaves their adopted child to find out such a cruel thing without guidance, protection, assurances and safety guards planned? being stolen away as well. to have ben left to die by your biological father as well.
laufeyson. at some time, loki had accepted it, worn it as armor, heritage of a cruel fate. the act only reminds bucky of the moves he also made against hydra. as the winter soldier. not as the man beneath, james buchanan barnes. )
no one should have to find out something like that on their own i'm so sorry even on Earth that's beyond cruel maybe there is no true victory in knowing, but it's always better to know than to live a lie
the glamour is permanent, then? so you're only as tall as thor
["Even on Earth". As if anyone in Earth could be as thoughtlessly cruel as Odin at his worst.]
Something like that.
[The truth is that with Odin's death, he could likely break it permanently if he chose to. But he's only seen himself in his "true" skin a handful of times. It hardly feels like the truth, at this point.]
Full grown jotnar are at minimum twice my height. That part doesn't appear to be the glamor, but given I was an infant, who knows. Perhaps it stunted my growth.
Anything else your new friend wants to know?
[It's a blind guess, but it's honestly a little less uncomfortable than this new Bucky's curiosity.]
( his curiosity is difficult to sate, learning being the only thing that gives new meaning to this well worn and calloused life of his. but understanding does have a cost, and the cost for knowing loki feels steeper than anything he's known before. )
he's not my friend you're the one i'd consider a friend or would like to
it probably doesn't seem that way because i asked, but you're the person i trust most here you'd be my emergency contact even if i don't know you personally as well as some of the others, you're who i understand best and i know what to expect when you're involved
i asked for myself because i do want to know you better too with everything you've been through, you're someone well worth having as a friend and for whatever it's worth, you're always free to ask me anything in return
[Loki stares, wide-eyed at all this...earnestness. It's difficult to say whether it's sincere, of course, but picturing B saying all this, even after is return to his reality, is difficult. That iteration of Barnes didn't trust nearly so easily.
Though this isn't quite trust, he thinks. He just thinks he knows what to expect.
Loki hears his brother's voice ringing in his ears. Predictable.]
I shall have to make an effort to surprise you, then. I'm not much of a trickster if I'm only doing what's expected.
Is this truly just curiosity for its own sake? Or was there something specific you wanted to discover?
( there's comfort in stability, predictability. regardless of however chaotic, consistency gives order to what otherwise has none. but of course loki would find fault in it, find it inadequate for his purposes, even if graduating likely meant needing to dial it back in the first place.
does it matter so much that he'd give up what he's gained for it? )
that's not all a you thing i've seen enough that very little is genuinely surprising anymore no point overthinking things i'll never be able to make sense of i'd prefer to, but it's not like thanos was ever gonna have a heart to heart with anyone you can't change someone whose mind is already made
just curiosity, though i'm sure you'll still second guess whatever i answer with if you were abandoned physically and then later abandoned emotionally to find out you weren't who you thought you were, it explains a lot no one should have to go through something like that but it's a shitty hand i was also dealt so i get it not in the exact same way obviously, but i do
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
sorry that
i usually just skip to the point
i hope your day has been well so far
he said laufey's child was kidnapped
and in the old hydra documents you were listed as laufeyson
i know you're odinson now
i'm just trying to understand if you're the one he means and if
he said you're jotun
but you don't look like a giant
no subject
I was abandoned as a runt.
Odin took me, cast a glamor over me, and called me his son.
He left it up to me to discover the truth by accident.
Laufey never claimed me.
I doubt he knew I survived.
no subject
laufeyson. at some time, loki had accepted it, worn it as armor, heritage of a cruel fate. the act only reminds bucky of the moves he also made against hydra. as the winter soldier. not as the man beneath, james buchanan barnes. )
no one should have to find out something like that on their own
i'm so sorry
even on Earth that's beyond cruel
maybe there is no true victory in knowing, but it's always better to know than to live a lie
the glamour is permanent, then?
so you're only as tall as thor
no subject
Something like that.
[The truth is that with Odin's death, he could likely break it permanently if he chose to. But he's only seen himself in his "true" skin a handful of times. It hardly feels like the truth, at this point.]
Full grown jotnar are at minimum twice my height.
That part doesn't appear to be the glamor, but given I was an infant, who knows.
Perhaps it stunted my growth.
Anything else your new friend wants to know?
[It's a blind guess, but it's honestly a little less uncomfortable than this new Bucky's curiosity.]
no subject
he's not my friend
you're the one i'd consider a friend
or would like to
it probably doesn't seem that way because i asked, but you're the person i trust most here
you'd be my emergency contact
even if i don't know you personally as well as some of the others, you're who i understand best and i know what to expect when you're involved
i asked for myself because i do want to know you better too
with everything you've been through, you're someone well worth having as a friend
and for whatever it's worth, you're always free to ask me anything in return
like i said, i trust you most
no subject
Though this isn't quite trust, he thinks. He just thinks he knows what to expect.
Loki hears his brother's voice ringing in his ears. Predictable.]
I shall have to make an effort to surprise you, then. I'm not much of a trickster if I'm only doing what's expected.
Is this truly just curiosity for its own sake? Or was there something specific you wanted to discover?
no subject
does it matter so much that he'd give up what he's gained for it? )
that's not all a you thing
i've seen enough that very little is genuinely surprising anymore
no point overthinking things i'll never be able to make sense of
i'd prefer to, but it's not like thanos was ever gonna have a heart to heart with anyone
you can't change someone whose mind is already made
just curiosity, though i'm sure you'll still second guess whatever i answer with
if you were abandoned physically and then later abandoned emotionally to find out you weren't who you thought you were, it explains a lot
no one should have to go through something like that
but it's a shitty hand i was also dealt so
i get it
not in the exact same way obviously, but i do
no subject
You were abandoned?
How so?
no subject
how do you think i became the winter soldier?no subject
I suppose I just assumed you were kidnapped.
no subject
i fell into a ravine off a train
even in war they try to return the bodies for burial
in the us anyway
no one ever went looking for mine
( not even steve, unspoken. )
i survived despiteand the enemy didn't have any trouble finding me when no one else came
no subject
I suppose he had bigger concerns.
At least Rogers didn't have the option to look.
no subject
he did
i've read the report
they went back to retrieve the equipment we used within an hour of the radio signal
zola went easy
i was in and out, but i was there for hours
bigger concerns too, i guess