OOC: TLV Path to Graduation

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Player Name: Kelsey
Character Name: Loki
Path to Graduation:

Loki arrived with rough certainty that agreeing to an attempt at rehabilitation would only earn him a bit more time. He'd resigned himself to the fact that his last act was the best he'd ever do, and probably his only shot at Valhalla. His crimes weren't the kind one could make up for, and largely sprung from what he was-- a monster. And surely he couldn't change at this point.

But in truth, his experiences on the Barge began changing him almost immediately. The breach aboard the Snowpiercer changed him literally into another person, of course, but not so much that he couldn't appreciate enjoying a bond with few complications. This shift into a life where he was just a person-- not a jotun, not a god, not a prince --had a rather profound effect that stuck with him throughout his time on the Barge. And not just because he kind of imprinted on Misty like a baby duckling.

...Not that this stopped him from immediately securing the seemingly most easily manipulated warden possible and getting his powers back. He had thought that this might settle him, and while it did certainly make him feel more certain he would be able to protect himself, he was surprised to find getting them back didn't make him feel any more himself than he had without them. Troubling, given that he'd grown to define himself more by his power than anything else, often to his own detriment. Still, after an odd experience the following month involving an egg that managed to endear him to his warden more than he had expected would be possible, he used those powers to ease grief rather than cause it, something he'd never really considered himself capable of before.

Nor had he considered himself capable of truly doing more to fix the damage he'd done in his own universe. Yet upon hearing a cryptic fortune teller's reading, he realized that perhaps he had been offered an opportunity that might change that. Now he had time. He had perspective and potentially resources. Maybe he could make a better plan than simply sacrificing himself.

So he started looking to angle himself towards graduation. He offered comfort to those he'd befriended (though, admittedly, not in the healthiest of ways). He considered how his actions impacted others (on the Barge, at least). He worked with his warden to draft apologies to those he'd wronged back home (though they agreed that actions would likely speak louder than a liesmith's words). He took the time to reevaluate the health of his relationships (though not in totality). He offered counsel and showed concern (even if it wasn't fully necessary). He...eventually followed through on ending an unhealthy pattern (although he tried to just avoid things, first). He offered vulnerable honesty when a charming manipulation may have served him better (not that he was sober enough for that sort of scheming).

...Eventually, the caveats lessened. He genuinely offered to help on a project that would benefit others more than him. He returned to his roots and caused some harmless mischief. He encouraged a troubled young youth to learn to read.

But it wasn't all good deeds and charming fun. When he felt someone he considered a friend had lied to him, he was hurt. Angry. But instead of lashing out with words or violence, he tried to understand, and allowed himself to be vulnerable too. This reveal that something had been kept from him actually led to him growing closer to someone, and to taking his first steps towards applying his skills to something productive rather than destructive-- teaching.

Which perhaps made the following port's events all the more traumatic. Just when he'd begun making connections and finding a healthy purpose for himself, Loki was overtaken by an outside force. Where he'd been coerced and manipulated by the scepter, here he was reduced to his most violent tendencies. He butchered a teenage girl before trying to do the same to his warden, who thankfully managed to talk him back to himself before Loki himself could do too much damage. But it was enough to leave him truly shaken. Maybe deep down he's just a monster after all.

Being offered forgiveness helped, at least to a degree. As did talking it out with a friend, post-bender. But it was finding a way to use his skills to right the wrong he'd done that really allowed him to move forward for once, rather than getting trapped in his self-loathing as he might have before. (Though a reminder of what he had to go back and make up for certainly didn't hurt either.)

By this point, he was motivated, but still had to reckon with some of what he'd done to end up an inmate to begin with, and with the reasons behind it all. He was tested by an interaction with a full-grown frost giant, which left him with unanswered questions as to the circumstances of his abduction to Asgard. He was already aware he'd done a horrible thing to try to eradicate the frost giants, but to think they hadn't intended to abandon him, well. It was yet another reason to graduate as soon as possible. Perhaps if he became a warden, he could earn a deal to make up for that.

It was around this time that an alternative version of one of the men he used the scepter to control in New York appeared on the barge, and Loki could avoid him but couldn't ignore the significance. With his eagerness to graduate strengthening his resolve, he discussed the possibility of apologizing to the man despite his not being quite the right person. Though he decided to save the apology-- or some means of making up for his mistakes --for the real man he wronged, Loki hoped the decision to do so might be one of those seemingly small things that might lead to graduation.

It didn't. So Loki opted to make an attempt at helping out his friends and neighbors as bid by the Admiral, only to commit a social faux pas by being himself. Discouraged, Loki retired to the barge and spent the next few days building up the courage to tackle the one thing he had been hoping he wouldn't have to.

Admitting he'd attempted to wipe out an entire race. Admitting it, coming to terms with the self-hatred at the core of it and how that in no way excused his loss of control and leap to extreme violence, and finally, truly deciding to repair Jotunheim, whether with a deal or with actual labor and time, that's what did it.

After about a year and a half, Loki was graduated and on his way to earning his own warden deal to right the wrongs he'd done in his own reality. And all it took was, uh. All of this. Oof.