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[shiftedshape]

Comments

[beejfu]

Whyyyyy would I ask your brother, a totally not-at-all-biased party, anything like that?

[shiftedshape]

Because he was there?

[beejfu]

Yeaaah, but what, he's gonna tell me some weird-ass account of your crimes and literally nothing else? You really want your big jock brother to color my amazing opinion of you?

Cripes, you ask five people about one guy and you get five different accounts of the same person! If I had a brother I wouldn't want assholes going to him asking after MY worst moments.

[shiftedshape]

I didn't say I wanted it. I'm just. Surprised you aren't more curious.

[beejfu]

Oh, I'm totally curious.

[shiftedshape]

And capable of such self-restraint, it seems.

[beejfu]

Look! I learned something! Gold star please.

[shiftedshape]

[Loki's still skeptical, but fine. He'll let it go. For now.

Flatly:] I'm very proud of you.

[beejfu]

You wanna talk about yourself so badly, don't you.

[shiftedshape]

[Loki's eyes flash with offense-- mostly at being called out like that.]

I want to know what you know. I hardly want to relive my greatest crimes.

[Even if there are parts he knows Betelgeuse would enjoy and praise him for.]

[beejfu]

Babes, there is nothing wrong with talking about yourself. Lean into it! Boast for a while, you're amazing! I'm a captive audience.

Come on. We'll match crime for crime.

[shiftedshape]

[Hm. Fine. But he's starting slow.]

I sabotaged my brother's coronation by conspiring with the enemy.

[beejfu]

Haha, oh shit. "Family party's cancelled, Imma go commit treason."

I let a horde of Netherworld goats into Mom's office and led to paperwork being backfiled for 60 years. I don't know if goats count as the enemy.

[shiftedshape]

Well, it's only treason if you get caught. Which I wasn't aiming for.

I attempted to steal the throne while my brother was banished and my adoptive father was in a coma. I also tried to kill my brother and put innocents in danger in doing so. I successfully killed my biological father.

[beejfu]

No shit!

My mom told me that when I was a baby I would set the curtains on fire for laughs. I would also just. Set a LOT of fires. All the time. so many.

I'm jealous. My dad's gone. Left because of me. Probs because of the fires.

[shiftedshape]

Jealous that you didn't get to kill yours? [He wouldn't really be surprised.] You know, that all sounds like it would be average, for a demon child. Unless I'm misunderstanding something.

[Hmm. Well, if he's going chronological.]

I worked with possibly the most dangerous madman in my reality. I stole an incredibly powerful artifact for him, used another to mind control people to do my bidding, and opened a portal to allow an army of mindless drones destroy New York City. Killed a lot of people. Threw a man out of a window. Stabbed my brother. It was a very busy few days.

[beejfu]

Jealous that you had one. But hey - I've always been a troublemaker.

[a dark chuckle, amused]

That sounds fucking amazing.

I probably made the Black Death worlds worse than it shoulda been because I told people that the wells were poisoned. I hate water.

[shiftedshape]

Maybe you should've punished the water instead.

[Loki gives a soft snort.]

Don't let Rogers hear you say that. He was among those who tried to stop me. And, well, succeeded, I suppose.

I was imprisoned after that, but my brother broke me out to help fix his human lover. And stop a war. [Guess which part he's bitter about.] While I was out, I faked my death. Then I exiled my father and impersonated him so I could take the throne while also going into hiding.

[He pauses, then smirks.]

Although I think the part you'll find most offensive is the hideous plays I had my subjects put on. They glorified me, obviously, but they were truly terrible nonetheless.

[beejfu]

That sounds amazing. I would have loved to exile my dad, except he was gone by the time I was even born so I never met the guy. What IS it with dads, anyway? Christ.

Oh, come on! Why would I find that offensive? That sounds hilarious! Bad theater is still theater!

[shiftedshape]

It certainly seemed like the best move at the time. Yet oddly enough, in a way I made a point for him by doing it. I'd say he got the last laugh but I can't claim to know what he actually wanted out of anything, anymore.

[Loki grins at that.] It was awful. Made light of some of the worst moments of my life. But it was mostly propaganda anyway. It seems as if it worked, given the people didn't shove me out an airlock when given the opportunity.

[beejfu]

Well, fuck him. Fuck your dad, fuck my mom. You know, we waste all this time hoping for all this bullshit approval we're never going to get. WHY do we torture ourselves? Fuck parents.

Damn it, that sounds amazing. I want a copy of the script.

[shiftedshape]

It's almost as if using someone's formative years to convince them that your opinion is all that matters is cruel.

I could write a new one, perhaps. Cast you in the lead role.

[beejfu]

Yeah! Exactly! Then you get out in the real world, meet your kind of people, and it's all been a lie!

I'd love it if you did.

[shiftedshape]

I feel like we got off track at some point. And as if I haven't truly conveyed how horrible my crimes were.

[beejfu]

Oh, I know. But I was also around during a fuckload of human history and they've got you beat by a country mile.